Saturday, August 18, 2007
When animals attack
Animals of the world have had enough. They're fed up and they're not taking it anymore. They are now rebelling in full force.
Last month it was reported that sturgeon (a large freshwater fish) were jumping out of a river in southern Florida and injuring people. Fishermen were knocked out when a sturgeon jumped into their boat, and a woman was knocked off her jetski when she collided with a jumping sturgeon. Imagine what that must have been like: cruising along, enjoying the river, and WHACK! "Holy crap! That fish came out of nowhere!" Three people have been seriously injured this summer alone, and another four were injured last year. So why are the fish leaping out of the water? The sturgeon seem to be jumping at points where the river is deeper, and the water is slower, so scientists speculate that they leap to let other fish know of a good place to hang out. Forget the jetskier - think of the fish. A sturgeon finds a great hangout, goes to tell his friends: "Hey guys! I found a great party! Check it--" WHACK! "Holy crap! That jetski came out of nowhere!"
And this video was just released of a tiger attacking men on an elephant. Apparently it was a mother tiger who was defending her cubs, and after one of the men tried to shoot it with a dart, Mommy dearest got pissed. She swiped three fingers off one of the men - who was riding on top of an elephant! She leaped at the elephant's head - a really awesome sight. The clip ends by claiming the elephant defended the men from the tiger, but since the videographer did such a bang up job taping the attack, it's not very clear what really happened. Is it wrong of me to root for the tiger? Check it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LjG7S8aqJg
If you really want to see some awesome footage, check out this rare event caught on camera - a pride of lions attacks a young water buffalo, then fights for the calf with a crocodile, before both are chased off by water buffalo again! Nature never ceases to amaze me... See the incredible video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LU8DDYz68kM
Climate change is already having some nasty effects, and even the icebergs are fed up. Check out this one flipping over: http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&VideoID=15729089
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Teach them well and let them lead the way...
Ah, the children are our future. Too bad they don't have real names...
Last week a couple in New Zealand sued their government because they were unable to register their child's name. The name they tried to give to their newborn son? "4Real." That's right - with the number four. "Why?" you ask? Because they can't spell? Because they couldn't come up with a real name? As a cruel joke? No, it's because when they saw their baby on an ultrasound for the first time, they realized the baby was "for real." By that logic, my name probably should have been "Oh shit" or "Who's going to pay for this." (Or maybe, "Who's going to pay 4this"?)
Why did the government reject the name? They claimed it was because names can't have numbers in them - you know, because numbers aren't part of the alphabet, you idiots! But the real reason for rejecting it? Because it's a f*ckin' stupid name! They should call child services on your ass before the kid spends the rest of his life in therapy, or worse, prison. Heaven forbid the kid wanders into the wrong part of town - it'd be like "Who's On First?: The Ghetto Version."
"Yo, kid, you for real?"So what is the substitute name they created while they await the outcome of their lawsuit? Something docile and humane? Something the child can live with? Something that demonstrates they've come to their senses and genuinely care about the well-being and future of their pride and joy? Of course not! Where's the fun in that? Their backup name is "Superman." I guess that's in case people get confused when they see the baby: "What is that? A bird? A plane?" "No, no, that's our boy, Superman." The name isn't a bad one - after all, it's got great associations, but I just don't think parents who were going to name the kid "4Real" should be allowed to use it on their child. It's like letting Prince, who chose to name himself with a non-alphanumeric character, rename himself "Batman." At least "Lex Luthor" is both cool *and* a name that a normal human being would have. Let's face it, if you name the kid Superman, he can never be friends with my kid - "General Zod" - and what a shame that would be....
"Yes, I am."
"What, are you trippin'?"
"No, I'm for real. He's second base."
"What are you talkin' 'bout?"
"I'm for real."
"Damn, bro, what's your problem?"
"Third base."